He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
