im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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