I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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