last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
