I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
