He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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