I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
