Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
