Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
