my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize