Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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