omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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