I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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