Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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