I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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