fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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