three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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