Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
