Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
