Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm having to shit out rocks
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
