I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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