I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
