Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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