Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just found puke in my bra..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
