I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
