Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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