I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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