I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
