i would punch a child for taco bell
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
