So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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