would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
