He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
