i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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