I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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