Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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