Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
