next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
