Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
