His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
