is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
