Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
