no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
