i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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