highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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