Yo dont text me then not text me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
