Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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