I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
