i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
