I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
