how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
