Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
