i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
